Ask Amy: I downgraded my friend from bridesmaid to bridesmaid



dear Amy: Last year, I asked “Hannah” to be my bridesmaid for my destination wedding.

She exuberantly agreed and we both started planning. The wedding was only about five months away, so things had to be settled quickly.

I gave Hannah no less than three different time options to go shopping. She was still “unable to do it”. She’s single, with a car, and has no real reason to be unavailable.

After a few months of this, I let Hannah know that I was so sorry, but another friend would be stepping in as bridesmaid. I said I still really wanted her as a bridesmaid.

Long story short: she freaked out. She told me I was a terrible person, how dare I do this to her when she “has already spent so much time and effort on this” that I obviously didn’t care about our friendship , and that she wanted nothing more to do with me!

Our young girls (both 9 years old) were best friends.

I tried to mend this friendship. It still bothers me that maybe I was wrong. I also want to help restore our daughters’ friendship. She won’t even let her daughter play with us anymore.

Can I have your objective opinion? Was I wrong to choose another bridesmaid? Or should I have swallowed it all and dealt with Hannah’s problematic schedule? Should I keep trying to fix this?

Disturbs: You both ruined everything.

By your account, “Hannah” was helpful in exuberantly partnering with you to plan that wedding quickly.

Should a bridesmaid accompany the bride to shop for dresses? No.

If Hannah had a specific reason for wanting to skip this task, she should have told you (rather than dodge it), but rather than demoting her, you could have simply told her that due to your own schedule , you were going to try to get another person to shop with you. So yes, you should have sucked it.

Your choice to judge her for having “no real reason to be unavailable” is regrettable. No ministry of health who has already stepped into the role will value being demoted. You offended her and Hannah overreacted. Carrying this feud to the next generation is mean.

dear Amy: We think our daughter’s partner has a drinking problem. When he’s around alcohol, he sometimes abuses it.

The most recent event was when my wife and I were away from home for the evening and they were at our house.

When we left the house I had a six pack of beers and a bottle of rum, both of which were missing when we returned late evening.

We are used to witnessing bad behavior from our daughter’s various partners.

We don’t want to completely lose our relationship with our daughter and our grandchildren, so I don’t know how to approach this without seeming to attack her judgment and alienate her further from us.

We could just hide the alcohol, but do you think we should discuss it with him alone or with them as a couple?

— History of misunderstandings

Story: You don’t really know who consumed all that alcohol. (Your daughter may have done her part.)

You might want to contact both your daughter and her partner and tell them, “After you were at our house the other night, we noticed that a six-pack of beer and a bottle of rum were missing. You had a party and you didn’t invite us? »

As a general rule, you should assume that all family members staying in your home will help themselves to consumables, unless you have specifically instructed them not to.

In the future, put anything you don’t want to consume – be it alcohol, leftovers or Mint Milano cookies – out of reach (in an extreme case, you can use a cooler in the trunk of your car).

dear Amy: It’s for “Constantly listeningwhich keeps the TV on all night – but then the TV wakes her up.

Here’s how I cured my insomnia: I listen to a really long audiobook over and over again. It helps me fall asleep, but I know the story, so it doesn’t keep me from sleeping. Unlike a TV or a radio, an audiobook doesn’t have a sudden change in sound to wake me up.

I listened to something all night for over 40 years.

— Sleep in Culver City

Sleeping: I love your solution.

©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency


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